Here’s How to Reconnect Sexually With Your Spouse After Having Kids

A pregnant woman explores how to reconnect sexually with her spouse on a bed

Sex is an important part of a satisfying relationship. But what happens to your sex life after kids – and how can you get that spark back? Here’s how to reconnect sexually with your spouse after kids.

Key takeaways:

  • Having kids changes a relationship’s dynamics and can be associated with a decline in relationship satisfaction.

  • Making plans to safeguard your relationship and making this transition to parenthood can increase your relationship (and sexual) satisfaction.

  • Mismatched libidos are normal and happen to lots of couples, especially when kids are involved…but the decline in sexual frequency doesn’t have to be permanent.

  • There are lots of things you can do to revive your sex life, including being patient, starting up date night again, and reconnecting with yourself sexually.

  • If you and your partner are struggling to get on the same page sexually, couples therapy may help.

“Have kids,” they said. “It will be fun,” they said…and generally, it is! Kids are great…but there’s no denying that having them can be stressful. Becoming a parent changes your relationship dynamics. Research shows that having a baby can highlight marital discontent – and that two-thirds of couples report a decline in relationship satisfaction post-baby.

That’s likely because, amidst all the planning for a baby, the planning to safeguard your relationship goes by the wayside. This planning includes talking about how your sex life will make the transition to parenthood with you. It’s totally normal for sex to get put on the back burner because of parenting responsibilities. But it’s also possible to parent and still have a sizzling, satisfying sex life. Here’s how.

Make a plan to share responsibilities

Let’s be real – who is going to have time to think about sex when they’re exhausted? Look at the division of parenting and household labor because it’s important. Is one parent the only one staying up all night with a baby or teething toddler? Can the other more well-rested parent pick up some extra tasks to help the sleep-deprived parent out? Finding ways to balance your relationship duties is important and frees up time and energy for sexy time when you’re not sleep-deprived or bickering about household tasks.

Reinstate date night ASAP

Getting back into a habit of dating each other again as soon as possible is also a great habit. It can be easy to forget why you got together and wanted to procreate in the first place when your spawn is running you ragged. Your relationship needs this time to itself to thrive – and you and your partner need this adult time, away from parenting responsibilities for a bit for your sanity. Your kids will benefit when you and your partner are enjoying your lives and your relationship, too. But let’s forget about focusing on the kids, for once, and keep talking about you