couple struggling to connect after an affair

Affair and Infidelity Recovery

Rebuilding After an Affair

Couples who face a betrayal are usually left with two choices, either to leave or to stay. Both decisions can be painful and uncomfortable. When faced with these decisions, most couples manage these decisions irrationally and from a place of pain. Don't let these abrupt decisions prevent you from a potentially rewarding healing process. Most couples who undergo couples therapy significantly improve their relationships after an affair.    

Affair Recovery Therapy  

An affair is an uncommitted, emotionally involved or romantic relationship between two individuals while one of them is already in a committed relationship. Affairs can happen with or without sexual intercourse. Traditionally, affairs are seen as the sexual relationships that are materializing behind a partner’s knowledge. More prevalent however are the non-sexual affairs that couples often face.

A key factor of having an affair is the betrayal of trust that occurs within the committed relationship. The term “adultery” is usually reserved for the married couples, while “infidelity” is used when civil unions, same-sex couples, or long-term committed relationships are affected.  There are many other ways to refer to an affair and all affairs can vary in scope and severity. 

Defining what an affair is and what it is not should be discussed early on with a partner. Some partners feel that the boundaries are only crossed when some sort of sexual act occurs, while others can feel betrayed when the dynamics with the new attractive hire at work feels a bit too uncomfortable. Secret texts, flirtations, coffee breaks, and work lunches can all constitute affairs in the eyes of a partner. Although nothing may be occurring, intuition may drive us towards feeling that a partner may be drifting away from the relationship. Others may feel suspicious or feel threatened that at some point, a rift with irreversible consequences may endanger their bubble. Whether an affair is taking place or not, the worry and distress can be deeply destabilizing and very disconnecting.

Types of Affairs:

There are many different kinds of affairs, from everything to a fling to a love affair.  

  1. Romantic Affair - This kind of affair occurs when the person's heart or feelings are involved in their non-committed relationship.

  2. Casual Affair - This is when two people are sexually involved (emotions may be involved as well), but they have no expectations of an official romantic relationship.

  3. Emotional Affair - This is when two people are emotionally intimate with one another without sexual interaction. Emotional affairs can easily turn into sexual experiences. It is important to note that emotional affairs can be just as damaging to the primary relationship as sexual affairs (if not more).

  4. Cyber Affair - This is an online affair that happens via webcam, email, text, or chat. Cyber affairs are capable of having sexual or emotional tones. Cyber affairs can also include the secret use of pornography. 

What Leads People to Seek Out an Affair?

There are many reasons individuals find themselves in the midst of an affair. While most people are quick to label the person as a cheater or attempt to makes sense of the behavior, it may be helpful to consider an affair as symptom. In most clinical cases, the affair comes as a result of something that has already created distance or frustration within the relationship. We also see individuals coming to us not fully understanding why they’ve taken such drastic actions to hurt their partner or sabotage their relationship. 

At the surface, both men and women seem to agree on why they cheat. They consistently report that the top three reasons for their affairs have to do with a lack of love for their primary partner, desire for sexual variety, and situational factors which may lead them to sleep with someone else. Underlying the behavior, there are a number of factors that precede affairs. At times these factors spawn from the dynamics in a relationship where emotional distance, partner rejection, feelings of isolation, resentment, or anger brew long enough for an affair to manifest.

Signs of Infidelity: 

Certain warning signs may point to the fact that your partner may be having an affair. These signs include:

●      Changes in how they communicate with you.

●      Lying and also avoiding the subject.

●      Changes in your sexual relationship.

●      Your partner seems very uninterested or apathetic to your interests/feelings. 

It is important to note that while these are possible signs of infidelity, they do not mean that your partner is having an affair. Therefore, it would be best if you did not assume that automatically.  Generally, all parties involved in the affair have to deal with the emotional burden of the affair. 

If you are the victim of an affair, the most essential part is understanding your unique situation and defining the term yourself. This is where therapy can be greatly beneficial for your recovery process. The knowledgeable therapist acts as a neutral, third party with expert knowledge to help you heal from your specific situation.

The Process of Affair Recovery Therapy:

Couples who face a betrayal are usually left with two choices, either to leave or to stay. Both decisions can be painful and uncomfortable. When faced with these decisions, most couples manage these decisions irrationally and from a place of pain. Don't let these abrupt decisions prevent you from a potentially rewarding healing process. Most couples who undergo couples therapy significantly improve their relationships after an affair.    


Healing Your Marriage or Relationship After an Affair or Infidelity

After a betrayal, individuals can feel an overwhelming sense of emotional pain. The very unearthing of a betrayal that may have come after a confession or a discovery can feel nauseating and surreal. But whether a partner finally confessed or was caught, the feeling is almost always the same: shock, anger, fear, resentment, disbelief, emptiness, or even confusion. At this stage, individuals may also question where they may have gone wrong. Some may also wonder what did or did not happen and what could have possibly pushed their partner to seek someone else. Others may feel that everything about the marriage has been a lie.

After an affair, it is also normal to feel that the entire world has come crashing down, and life has now come to a complete halt. If you and your relationship have suffered a fracture, consider the help of a neutral but supportive therapist who may be able to help guide you first, your initial shock and the delicate process ahead. 

​How to Recover from Infidelity – The Three Steps of Affair Recovery 

We offer a 3 step affair recovery process vital for your healing process from top experts in a safe and judgement-free environment. We ask couples to refrain from making decisions about staying together or divorcing until they get to stage 3. This allows them to go through their healing process and make decisions from a place of understanding rather than from a space cluttered in disarray and crisis. When we make decisions during a crisis, we react to our survival instincts, often creating much more chaos. However, if, on the other hand, we face this from a more grounded space, we are more likely to make rational decisions that can be both loving and graceful to our healing process. 

Recovery from an affair or a breach of trust entails a three-step process. 

I -The Crisis Phase - Disclosure Stage

●      Support for emotional regulation and safety plans.

●      Development of healthier communication tools.

●      Develop an understanding of the relationship.

●      Develop an understanding of relational dynamics, family history, patterns.

●      Identify other key factors.

●      Preparation and development of a disclosure plan.

II - Insight Phase: Understanding Why The Affair Happened

●      Learn how to ask for what you need and want.

●      Learn how to embrace uncomfortable conversations.

●      Navigation through a delicate disclosure process.

●      Develop clarity and understanding of events.

●      Understanding the full impact of betrayal.

●      Understanding of the dynamics that contributed to the affair.

III - Envisioning the Future Phase

●      Explore readiness and willingness towards next steps.

●      Make decisions on whether you and your partner want to stay in the relationship.

●      Identify ways to safely reconnect and begin a process of healing.

●      Begin to regain and define trust and authenticity.

●      Collaborate on a process of commitment.

●      Bulletproof relationship.

Start your Healing Process: 

Our relationship therapist will help you through this painful and emotional fracture to begin your path to recovery. Through individual and couple therapy, we can help you deal with anger, frustration and anxiety.  We can also help you improve couple communication and assess underlying issues within your marriage.  Furthermore, we will evaluate your sexual and emotional life, learn how to meet your partner's sexual and emotional needs, and build intimacy and transparency in your home.

Infidelity doesn't have to destroy the marriage or your relationship. Let us help you heal and rebuild your home.

We understand that this is a very difficult phase, but we strongly recommend expert care during this very sensitive phase of your relationship. Not all therapists are trained to handle the delicate process of an affair. If you have any questions or need support, please call 305-605-LOVE or book an appointment with one of our therapists who focus on affair recovery. 

Psychologists in Coral Gables

Ponce de Leon

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