The Truth About Angry Sex: Is It Healthy in a Relationship?


Two women in a relationship argue about angry sex

Angry sex is often romanticized as a frenzied, fiery, and passionate romp, resulting in the ultimate tension release. But is it healthy for your relationship?

Key takeaways:

  • Angry sex is often romanticized because of its intensity.

  • Depending on the circumstances, angry sex can be helpful or harmful.

  • It differs from routine sex for many reasons, including its adrenaline-fueled nature.

  • It can be healing when it helps resolve the “fight or flight” response.

  • Consent is important no matter what kind of sex is involved.

  • Sex while angry can be harmful if there’s no consent, if either partner feels uncomfortable or unsafe, or if you’re using it as a means to avoid emotions or important discussions.

If you’ve had angry sex before, you know it tends to be the stuff of movies and romance novels. It’s aflame with passion driven by emotions and pent-up frustration, culminating in the ultimate tension release.

Angry sex can be healthy for your relationship or it can be harmful. It depends on the circumstances. Consider this advice.

Yes, angry sex is different than other types of sex

Yes, angry sex is different from other kinds of sex. It can happen when two people feel they need a physical outlet to release their tension. Couples who struggle with communication may use it as a form of communication and conflict resolution.

Angry sex can include:

  • Initiating sexual activity during an argument

  • Feeling a release of tension, frustration, and anger after sex

  • Arousal transference; your body may confuse the physical arousal from anger with sexual arousal because many of the physiological responses to anger and sexual arousal are similar, such as an increased heart rate and blood pressure.

  • A resolution to the “fight or flight” response

  • Being used as an outlet for aggression

Believe it or not, anger can be an aphrodisiac. Not only does it cause some of the same physiological reactions as sexual arousal but it also increases testosterone, which in turn increases sex drive.