Updated: Jan 24, 2020
I find that many people will say no, and that's okay, because for some, long distance isn't for them. However, I will say that long distance relationships can work out, with one caveat. Eventually, THE DISTANCE WILL HAVE TO END. Long distance relationships can work with the intention to eventually end the distance. To make it work, you'll need be committed, have a plan for when things get hard, and be very honest with yourself and your partner. Some additional tips include: 1. Be very clear about your expectations. For example, know how often you would like to communicate with your partner. Figure out what type of communication works best for you (Facetime, text, phone call) and do that. Be very clear about what safeguards you will need, for example, if you'll need a daily check in, or if you'll want to more or less know your partner's schedule, etc. 2. Communicate regularly and creatively. Greet each other “good morning” and “good night” every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your life and its happenings, however mundane some of the things may seem.To up the game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time. By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and attended to. 3. Make sure to visit one another. Visits are the highlight of long distance relationships and are what the couple looks forward to. You'll be able to finally experience physical touch such as hugging, hand holding, kissing, and sexual intimacy. Figure out what timeframe works best for you both and what financially also makes sense with visits. 4. When sexual tension does come up due to long periods without romance, I highly recommend keeping that emotional flame burning by flirting, sending sexy photos, talking dirty, and experimenting with your sexual and romantic relationship from afar. 5. Have your goals clear. "What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?” “How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the questions you two need to ask yourselves. The truth is, no couple can be in a long distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down. So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline, marking down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end goal. It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same timezone, both of you are still motivated to work together in the same direction towards a future that includes one another. For a specific rundown of how to manage and eventually end long distance, purchase our Long Distance Relationship Survival Guide for a comprehensive rundown on specific steps to set your goal, debunk myths about long distance, tips on communication, sexual tension, and timelines. If you need that practical, structured support, you can find it here: www.suzihalajyan.com/shop
Janet is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) in the states of California and Florida. Janet works from a trauma focused and attachment oriented perspective, supporting individuals and couples through their healing of past and current distressing events. She's trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and Havening Techniques. EMDR and Havening Techniques are psychosensory modality that supports individuals in de-traumatizing stressful memories in the brain. Janet sub-specializes in sex therapy, supporting individuals and couples in their relational and sexual wellness by providing effective tools that can support in managing conflict, and increasing intimacy and connection.
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