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The Secrets to Communicating Mindfully When You’re Angry


A woman looks up at a chalkboard with a lightbulb and words drawn on it

Communicating when you’re mad doesn’t have to end in disaster.


Key takeaways:

  • Anger is a normal, human emotion.

  • You shouldn’t feel ashamed of it or try to avoid it.

  • People feel anger for a variety of reasons and express it differently.

Anger is a normal human emotion that happens to all of us. It can actually feed persistence and determination and help push you toward your goals, but it can also drive you off a cliff of mindless rage. Anger can cause trouble if it’s too intense, occurs at the wrong time, or lasts too long. It can cause you to harm yourself and those around you if it gets out of control.


Everyone has tried to have a conversation when angry. It’s no simple task. Anger can get the best of you before you realize what happened. The trick is knowing how to effectively manage anger to get your point across under any circumstance. We discuss understanding anger and the secrets to mindful communication when you’re super mad.


Understanding anger


Anger is a multifaceted emotion. People feel angry for a plethora of reasons and express it in just as many. Expressing your anger positively can lead to critical change and improvements. Suppressed and passive-aggressive (indirect) anger, on the other hand, can have awful consequences. Many times, when anger is internalized, hostile actions follow. Understanding your anger is the most significant part of controlling it and using it to your advantage when communicating.


Mindfulness tips for communicating while angry


Communicating with hostility in any form usually drives people away. People often feel uncomfortable with both aggressiveness and passive aggressiveness in conversation. If you are angry, you can still communicate effectively by:


-Making a plan

You know when you’re about to get angry. You see circumstances coming together and know that something is about to make you get very upset. Make a plan of what you can say and do to maintain control of your emotions. Have some comments ready to diffuse the situation or excuse yourself for a breath of fresh air.


-Listening actively

Active listening is a crucial element of effective communication. It allows you to understand the message the other person is trying to convey, including unspoken communication. When actively listening, you avoid jumping to conclusions and can better manage your anger.


-Not holding grudges

Lao Tzu said, “The best fighter is never angry.” He was probably right since holding grudges makes it even more challenging to control your anger. You’ll sit and stew on the issue long after it’s over when you could be enjoying your life. We must accept that everyone’s behaviors, beliefs, and feelings are different and are ultimately beyond our control.


-Swapping your point of view

You can throw up a counterattack to your anger and change the balance. You may want to throw your hands in the air and give up when things are going wrong, and your anger is rising. Instead, try swapping your point of view by saying to yourself, “Well, this stinks, but it won’t last forever. Things will straighten out soon. Let’s just move on.” That type of thinking throws off your anger and gives you time to readjust.


-Showing compassion

It’s easy to just let your anger take charge and get away with everything. It takes a much stronger mind to slow down those feelings and try to understand what the other person is going through. There is a reason the other person is angry or upset, and it’s just as valid as yours. When you show compassion, it’s easier to put your anger aside while you try to understand a fellow human being.


-Using grounding techniques

Grounding techniques are tactics people employ to gain control over their emotions. It could be deep breathing, visualization, or repeating a mantra. Anything that helps to slow your heart rate and thought process.


-Controlling your voice

Screaming, yelling, and speaking angrily make tense situations worse. Approaching things with a calm and even voice creates a peaceful atmosphere. Let your voice resonate with inquisitiveness and genuine concern instead.


-Maintaining an emotional distance

It’s imperative to remember that another person’s anger has nothing to do with you, no matter what they say. You, nor anyone else, can do anything to make another person angry. That is their choice. If you remember to keep emotional distance and not own the other person’s anger, it helps to keep your own anger under control.


-Not letting anger be your first response

Just because someone approaches you in anger doesn’t mean you have to respond with more of the same. You can respond in your own calm, attentive way and clear up the problem before it starts.


-Expressing amiable body language

You can often tell if someone is mad by how they walk, stand, and hold themselves. Hostile body language can cause as many problems as spiteful words. Maintaining nonthreatening body language helps keep anger at bay.


We live in an age where stress and pressure seem to mount daily. It’s more important now than ever to approach anger with intent and control. Using these tips for communicating mindfully while angry allows us to acknowledge what can’t change and helps to channel our energies to positivity and serenity.


There are simple ways to learn mindful communication, and we can help


Learning to communicate with confidence and calmness is a skill we can help you gain quickly. The Love Discovery Institute is an elite emotional and cognitive wellness center that offers therapy for adults, children, and teens from licensed therapists. Our therapists understand relationships exceptionally well and help people develop significant and authentic relationships.


The team at Love Discovery is ready to welcome you with open arms. If you’re ready to start therapy to help improve your relationship with yourself and others, make an appointment with any of our therapists today. Feeling hesitant about how we can help? Call 305.605.LOVE (5683).


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