When you’re having problems in your marriage or things just don’t feel quite right, it’s easy to point the finger at your partner. You can clearly see and feel how they are hurting you or failing to show up for you, and you want them to do better.
It’s fine to express your feelings to them in a loving and gentle way, but make sure you also hold up a mirror to your own reflection and consider how you could support your partner more, too.
With this in mind, this article outlines the strategies you can adopt to rekindle your marriage and develop a more loving and intimate union by turning inward and reflecting on what you can do to be the kind of partner you would want to have yourself.
Table of Contents
How to Rekindle Love and Intimacy in Marriage; Top 5 Actionable Tips
Take Responsibility, even when It's Difficult To Look Within
Appreciate your Partner
Be More Transparent
Dedicate Quality Time Together
Be Present and Patient
Conclusion
How to Rekindle Love and Intimacy in Marriage; Top 5 Actionable Tips
Take Responsibility, even when It's Difficult To Look Within
To get passion back in your marriage, first, you need to own up to your part of the way you show up in your relationship, without excuses or buts. Take responsibility for your role in your relationship by reflecting on your actions and evaluating how are you showing up for your partner or even for yourself.
To start the self-reflection that will help reignite the spark in your marriage, write down all the things you want your partner to do in order to make you feel loved and supported. Then, write down examples of how you do those things for them. Can you come up with tons of examples on every point? If so, congratulations, you are a perfect partner. But it’s likely that you struggled with a few of them at least.
Also, think back to conflicts or serious conversations you two have had: what are the specific things they said they wanted from you? Have you been working on them? Tending to a relationship garden is not a solo job, so don’t point fingers and leave your partner out there alone.
Grab a shovel and get to work digging to the root of your problems. Plant new seeds inside yourself so that more love and care can grow between you both.
Appreciate your Partner
Showing you notice and appreciate the things your partner does, even the littlest things, is one of the ways you can use to rekindle intimacy in your marriage. Do they make the bed when you have to run out the door? Did they cook your favorite meal, surprise you with tickets to the movie you wanted to go see, remember to water the plants or research an exciting new restaurant for you two to try?
Moreover, what do they do on a larger scale that makes them an exceptional human being? Are they working hard towards a promotion at work, taking great care of the kids or their elderly parents, supporting a friend through a hard time, volunteering in the community, or taking up a new hobby?
Let your partner know that you see the way they move through the world and you appreciate it. Tell them when something they do lights up your brain, makes your heart skip a beat, or fills you with desire. The second you stop noticing and communicating these things, your relationship is in trouble.
Failing to appreciate the other person is just like having a beautiful garden that you never stop to take in and enjoy. You miss out on all the wonderful things about your partner that attracted you to them in the first place!
For this reason, never stop appreciating the lovely human being that is right before your eyes, and you two will have a much easier time feeling closely connected.
Be More Transparent
Transparency means allowing your partner into your thoughts, feelings, fears, needs, wants, and experiences. One common challenge couples face is the inability to express each other’s worlds. This is a big one that over time disintegrates any relationship.
Therefore, if you’re looking for how to rekindle love and intimacy in your marriage, it’s your responsibility to let them into your mental, emotional, and spiritual neighborhood.
It can be scary to open up and get vulnerable, even with the person closest to you. But once you do, you will feel huge relief that you don’t have to bear the weight of your worries and emotions alone. It can be easy to feel like nobody gets you and nobody will, but that is only a sure fate if you keep yourself closed off and guarded.
Open up and you will see how you can rekindle love in your marriage by letting a sympathetic person into your private world. You may be amazed by how many of your innermost anxieties, fears, ambitions, and dreams they also share.
On the flip side, make sure that you stay receptive and supportive when your partner shares aspects of their reality that differ from your own. Encourage them to feel safe in expressing those things to you regardless.
Dedicate Quality Time Together
Have you been a little busy lately? Have they? When you actually do spend time together, are you really present in that moment, or are you checked out? Setting aside time to be together is great, but make sure you also bring your energy and focus to the table. This is one of the surefire ways to get passion back in your marriage.
Quality time involves giving your undivided attention to the other person. It means asking how they are and what’s new with them and listening to their answers. Show you care by asking questions and follow-up questions, noticing changes, observing their mood, and calibrating to their state.
Additionally, show that sharing time and space with them is not something you take for granted. Some days you’ll be tired and will just want to kick back and watch a movie. That’s OK! Just communicate the state you’re in, and invite them to experience some sleepy movie-watching with you.
Be Present and Patient
When we value something we care for it, simple as that. One great way to help you rekindle the spark in your marriage is to practice keeping your partner present in your mind as you go about your day. Allow yourself to think about this other being that you’ve chosen to have in your life. Also, allow yourself to question how they may be doing throughout their day. Send them positive thoughts, wishes, and energy.
When we care about our relationship, we work on nurturing it and helping it grow into a deeper and more loving bond. This doesn’t happen overnight; you must be patient and diligent as you tend to your relationship garden each day. Remove weeds by clearing up communication breakdowns and misunderstandings. Reignite romance in the marriage in the form of great memories and experiences shared together, from deep talks to flirtation and laughter.
Conclusion
When you use these healthy relationship strategies to rekindle love and intimacy in your marriage, it doesn’t matter if your partner struggles to do the same. It’s not about doing it only if the other person does it or responds in the way you’d like them to. They have their own journey to go on at their own pace. You do it for you, you do it because you want to give love. You do it because a healthy and loving relationship is the type of relationship you’ve chosen you deserve. When you focus on how you act in your relationship, you claim the power over the one thing you can really control: how you choose to love.
Love Discovery Institute is an elite emotional and cognitive wellness center focusing on intimacy, relationships, and self-discovery. Bringing together South Florida’s leading professionals in the field, the institute incorporates a holistic approach to treating the mind, body, and soul through individual, adolescent, family, and couples therapy